Stop this train.

Insecurities are a nasty little virus that creep into your mind and pollute you. They make you someone you aren't and they beg you to take the ride they're inviting you on. The ride of discontentment and disillusion; the ride of depression and self-loathing. Don't joke yourself, this ride comes naturally, and when insecurities come and offer you a first-class ticket, it's easier to jump on board than to run the other way.

Last week, my first-class, all expenses paid ticket arrived on Tuesday morning. I don't know why, but I readily said yes. I let the conductor dictate my morning, my afternoon and my night; my actions, my tears and my relationships. The conductor told me this was all I'd ever be, and I believed him. He told me that I was better off alone, and I agreed. He told me that my beauty was measured by the way I felt on my worst day, and I tearfully said okay. He convinced me that I was unworthy, ugly and undeserving. My heart longed to feel whole again, but I felt completely overwhelmed by these new realizations about myself. I didn't know how to feel differently.

I took that ride for a few days. I cried consistently for a while, called the people that I knew would uplift me and make me feel better, but I even convinced myself that every nice thing they said were just lies they were saying to try to alleviate my sadness so they wouldn't have to deal with me anymore.

I had chances to get off, but every turn I made was met by new battles to fight and new insecurities to keep me down. That conductor brilliantly orchestrated my every move to make sure that I didn't get off the ride at any stop. I was stuck there, bound by my own mind.

I remembered reading a Proverb a couple days before where it told me that God would be my confidence, and there in my bed on Thursday morning, I knew no other words to say than, God, please fight for my confidence.

I got off the train. I believed again that His power was enough and that the lies that played over and over in my head were meant to destroy my joy. I believed again in the truth that my friends spoke over my life and I believed again in the destiny that God has planned for me.

That ride of insecurities is meant to destroy you. It pulls you down and sucks you under and gets you to its destination of depression as quickly as it can.

But stop, get off and believe again that God is fighting for your confidence. Sometimes you just have to ask.

Proverbs 3:26:

"for the LORD will be your confidence

and will keep your foot from being snared."