My hesistation.

"Forgive my hesitation, I guess that I'm not sure if I want the salvation I know I'll never deserve.

Your encouragement falls, there's so much you must not see, so I'm putting up these walls.
This way I can hide away all the dark you ignore, never have to display the me you adore"
-Trisha Fitch (myspace.com/trishafitchmusic)

It's so much easier to pretend that God doesn't absolutely adore us.

It's so much easier to treat God like any other friend we have.

Just another situational relationship.

He'll be happy if we treat him well, He'll be mad if we ignore him.

Sometimes I forget that God sees the depths of my heart.

That there is never a time where he doesn't know exactly who I am.

He knows me.

He made me!

Why do I try to hide?

Why do I try to put up walls to keep him out when all he does is teach me?

Why would I shut out my best friend? My biggest fan? My creator?

Why would I voluntarily put a wall between the only person that offers me unconditional love? Especially when I don't deserve it in the first place.

I can't hide anymore.
I can't pretend He doesn't adore me.
I can't deflect his love anymore.
I can only imagine how much I will grow, how much healing will occur, once I begin to tear down the wall between me and his love.


May my ways be constantly directed toward Yours, Jesus.