time.

I keep remembering things in distinct increments of time. I don't have a huge mind full of undefined memories, I have a mind full of memories and thoughts that are divided into specific moments and epochs of time. Maybe 20 minutes, maybe 2 days, maybe 1 year. But everything exists within a certain overarching period of time.

At first, everything was blocked off in two categories in my mind: Pre-East Coast and Post- East Coast. Everything was a happy memory (Pre) or an emotional journey (Post). But now, it's Pre-E.C. and then everything else is segmented into individual memories, filed away according to their significance and date. I never used to be this pragmatic about my mind, but now I cannot seem to escape this filing system. I recall things exactly as they happened, exactly when they happened and I can always tell you exactly what triggered that memory and what I was wearing when the original event occured.

I can tell you why this happened.

I was driving home from work and I passed a Sunoco gas station, and I couldn't remember if we had those in California. In a self-induced panic, my mind collapsed and I felt like if I couldn't remember something so simple, then I must be forgetting all of my other memories of my beloved home as well. I forced myself to remember that no, we did not have Sunoco at home, but we have them here. Post, not Pre.

One of my greatest fears at this time in my life is forgetting the things that I loved; letting those beautiful memories slip out of my mind and into oblivion where I can no longer recall the way it feels to wake up in Katie's bed or how perfect the coffee is at Sideboard.

Since that day, every memory I remember or create is filed into a system that keeps me from forgetting a single second of this time of my life. If I can't remember, I force myself to. Everything pre is happy, everything post is a learning curve. Because as scary as it is to forget memories from home, it's even scarier to forget the lessons that I've learned since moving here.

Pre. vs. Post. I need them both. By my side, in my heart, on my mind. One cannot exist without the other, and I cannot exist without them both.