Tumbling Trail of Grace:

It's easy to get it in your head the way that things should be; we all know, however, that our should be is nothing more than a selfish I want it to be. It's a smooth trail downwards when you start on that line of logic; one misstep and you're at the bottom of a dustry trail, wallowing in all your should be's. And somewhere very near your trail of tears and should be's is the word deserve that you keep throwing around like it was the present you didn't get on your 10th birthday. Or like it was the job that you know you should have gotten. Or like it was the trip you should have gotten to go on. Or the boy that should have loved you back. Yes, damnit, you definitely deserved all of those things.

With every should be and deserve, you've tumbled and tripped your way down this trail, like the little girl that used to cry when disciplined, because you know you didn't deserve it. As you're laying there in your pool of pity at the bottom of the trail that you've created, you look back up to see that closed door, the one you deserved to get the chance to walk through, and you cannot help but cry. Big tears. But don't worry, you're not crying for you- you tell yourself- you're crying for the injustice and the battle you just lost! Keep crying, baby girl, take this time and really feel for yourself! You deserve this pity party; look what they've done to you! But come on, you know better than to sit on the dirty ground, your mama taught you to get back up and try again. So you keep crying as you get up to walk back to the top of that mountain. You cry for your future and your passions and your dreams that you're sure are gone.

And somewhere on that walk back up, probably as you're crossing the valley of dead dreams and missed opportunities, you're reminded of that sweet, beautiful grace that holds you in its arms, that ignores your should be's and deserves. That embrace that never fails you, that closes doors intentionally, that thwarts your plans for your own good, that blocks evil from walking out your dreams out with you. That embrace that doesn't believe in dead dreams and wastes no time or talent.

That embrace that tenderly envelopes you and whispers, "I have a better idea instead!" as it carries you to the top of the mountain where you begin again. This time a little bit stronger, a little bit wiser, and a little less deserving of the grace that brought you back.