The Way I Am.

Dear Future Husband,

Let me start this off by saying: I don't know you and I don't really want to be married right now. I'm still not enough for you, and I'm hoping that means that you're still not enough for me. I'm sure I'd find a way to ruin this if it started now, so it really is better that nothing's happening yet. But I'm writing you this letter as a list of dreams, in the hope that one day you'll read it and want all the same things.

I once heard a story about a boy and a girl that were getting married, and at her bridal shower they played the game where they ask the fiance a question and the bride sees if she can guess his answer correctly. They asked him "What do you think her favorite trait about you is?" and he said, "The fact that I don't have any other girl friends." Please don't keep in touch, or forge new friendships apart from me, with other girls that I don't know. I want to be all you need. I want to be the only girl to encourage you and talk to you at night. The only girl that you tell your stories to and the only girl you share your success' with. The only girl that helps you problem solve the situations in your life. In return, I promise to make you the only man that I need; to seek you first and to hold your opinion higher than anyone else's. I'm not a jealous person, but I will be when it comes to your love.

Our wedding is going to be a grand parade. It's a nice idea to have a "small, quiet, simple wedding", but like... no. I've been dutifully stalking wedding blogs for years, and this day is going to be absolutely beautiful. Please just let me plan it. You, of course, can pick your groomsmen. And the flavor of your grooms cake (if you must).

I hate cooking. Is that going to be a problem? Blame my mom for never making me do it while growing up. (However, she did always tell me that food is the way to a man's heart, so if I never find you, I guess I'll know why.) Let's just live close to her and have her make us meals whenever we're hungry. Or, can you cook? On the flip side, I love to clean! So, you'll never be expected to do that.

Let's start every morning out with coffee together and end every night with dessert. And if you don't work out, I probably won't work out either. Don't help me make excuses, just tell me that we're going to the gym. I love naps, so if you don't already have an assigned siesta in your day, go ahead and implement this Spanish tradition, it's so good. But never let me sleep too long, otherwise I'll make you stay up with me when I can't fall asleep that night.

Sometimes I'm mean. When I'm hurt, I'll say hurtful things to you. I always realize the error of my ways, and I'll apologize as soon as I stop being so stubborn, but please don't stop loving me through it all. I want to be the best I can be, I'm just going to need your help to get there.

I never want to stop traveling. Let's make a list of the places we want to go and then see every one of them before we have kids. I hope our relationship is marked by adventure, spontaneity and a lot of surprises.

When we're old and our kids are out of the house, let's travel all over again and fall back in love with the places of our youth. Then, I'm going to write a book about us. A book about how hard we fought and how successful we were. About how wonderful your character is and what a trustworthy man you are. About the kind of father you are and the honorable way you treat others around you. About how we found our calling together and how we helped others along the way. A book about true love.

There's been others, but none of them you. They've been there with me through different seasons of my life, helped me grow into the person that you need me to be. I've patiently waited, not given too much of myself to any of them, in hopes that when we meet I'll be able to walk forward with you without looking into the past. I promise to love you with every fiber of who God made me to be and to give you complete respect with my words and my actions. I promise to never stop working on being a better wife and a better friend and to continually pray for you from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to the sleep.

I don't know where you are, but I know that I'll find you someday.

I hope it's soon, because we have a lot to accomplish together.

With all my love,

Elizabeth Ashley

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way."

-Pablo Neruda